I Will Always Love You
by PhanJovie
Summary: Dan is shattered after Phil's sudden death. He now has to tell the world about the loss of his best friend, but during his explanation his buried feelings for Phil erupt. When he sees Phil in a dream, he is forced to wonder if he can continue to face the world on his own. But he is not exactly alone...


I pushed open the door to our flat and walked in - alone. I looked around the room and sighed. It felt so empty. Everything was still the way it was when Phil and I left in a hurry that one day. I squeezed my eyes shut and opened them again, hoping to wake up in my bed as if it were all a bad dream. Nothing happened. This is reality. I pushed back tears and went in to set up my camera. It all happened so quickly...

* * *

One perfectly normal day, Phil and I were just hanging out in our flat. We were locked in a challenging battle of Mario kart, and Phil was beating me. I was afraid I was going to lose our final round when Phil started slipping up.

"Whats wrong? Afraid to win? Would all the power go to your head?" I teased him.

"Uh I don't know... I don't really feel well all of a sudden." He said.

"Well we'll quit after this match. Maybe you've just been staring at the screen for too long." I said.

"Yeah, maybe. My head feels funny." He mumbled.

We kept playing, and he was doing fine for a while. I was right behind his character and he was about to win when suddenly he just stopped.

"Oh come on that wasn't fair! If I'm gonna beat you at least let me work for it, don't just give it to me!" I laughed. I turned to look at him - he was slumped over on the couch, and the controller sat in his lap.

"You okay, mate?" I asked. No response. I shook him a little and called his name. Still nothing. I started to panic. I reached for the phone and dialed 999. The operator told me to check his pulse. I could feel it but it was slow. At least he was still alive. When the paramedics arrived they carried him on a stretcher and into the ambulance. I went along with them, I was too scared to know what to do.

Moving on after all that, he was awake and talking but he wasn't doing well. He apparently had some rare disease that he inherited. It was one of those things where both your parents have to have the gene for it. The doctors did a lot of research as to trying to find something, anything, that will help but with no luck. Then, one day, I was sitting on Phil's bedside holding his hand to give him comfort. We didn't really talk, we just sat together. Words didn't really need to be spoken. He sighed. I looked over at him and he had fallen asleep. I smiled to myself a little as I watched him sleep, but my stomach churned when I realized something was wrong. Phil is a pretty heavy breather when he's sleeping, and I couldn't see his chest moving at all. Suddenly an alarm of some sort beeped in his room and the doctor and a nurse came rushing in. I stood there with his parents watching as they inspected him and the machines connected to him. After a few moments the doctor turned to us with a solemn look on his face. That's when it finally dawned on me that Phil was gone.

* * *

It felt weird being home. I was in the hospital with him for another day or so after he passed. It was like I was in denial - I just couldn't accept the fact that he was gone. And now that I'm back at home with all of our stuff, all of our memories, I realized that all they are going to be is just memories.

I flicked on the camera. As much as I didn't want to do this, I knew it had to be done. The record light came on and I started the video.

"Hey guys..." I mumbled with a very small forced smile.

"Something happened that I need to tell you about." I tried to swallow the lump in my throat and continue.

"Phil... Has been very sick the past few days. It's a rare condition. It's one of those hereditary things where if both your parents have the right genes then you get it. There's not really a cure for it." I explained. This was getting hard.

"But... just the other day, when I was sitting with Phil, he... He..." I stuttered. My voice was cracking now and I was beginning to sniffle heavily.

"He died..." I finally said. I put my head down on the desk and let a cry out. It just hurt so bad. Everything inside me felt like it was being twisted and torn. I just stayed there for a good few minutes. I'll just edit that out later. I picked my head up, my face now red and moist from tears, and tried to continue.

"I just felt like I needed to tell you guys in video, because I know how much you care about him." I said. "He really cared about you, too. All of the tweets and comments you send made him smile. Even though he couldn't always reply to all of them, he tried to. He really loved you guys."

"But there's something else that I need to tell you," I said, pausing to look upwards. "And if you're watching Phil, I especially want you to pay attention."

I took another pause to steady myself. Tears streamed down my face but I didn't care. I pressed on.

"I love you Phil. I've always loved you. You were like a brother to me. But..." I said, trailing off. "You were something more. I never told you this until now Phil, but all those times that we would giggle as we scrolled past those phan comments, I secretly wished that they were real. I wanted to be with you just like the way people ship us. I've always loved your cheeky grin, your beautiful hair, your precious face, and those soft lips that I stare at longingly, never able to tell you how much I cared."

I had to stop again, I was nearly sobbing now. I just need to end this video.

"So guys, I just wanted to tell you this. I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but I feel better now that I've told you."

I ended the video off and edited out the one part that I needed to and uploaded it. I watched all the comments and tweets flow in. All these viewers that were so upset. It touched my heart in a way to know how much they cared. But still, I couldn't take anymore. I didn't know what to do with myself. I shut my laptop and ran into Phil's room, diving into his bed. I breathed in deeply in his pillow, trying to take in his scent. And then I just cried. I sobbed and wailed as hard as I could, releasing all for this built up sadness. Hours passed and I continued wallowing in pity in Phil's bed. I didn't bother to eat anything, I wasn't hungry at all. I followed a pattern of crying, starting to stop, and then suddenly sobbing harder than before. Eventually it became very wearing and I fell asleep.

* * *

I looked around - where was I? Everything around me had disappeared and turned white, and the environment had this dreamy haze to it. I could even hear extremely faint music in the background. Everything was so surreal, I must be dreaming. But suddenly a mist appeared in front of me, slowly forming into a figure I knew and loved so well - Phil. I tried to speak but I just couldn't form words.

"Shh... It's okay." He said quietly, brushing his hand along my cheek and wiping away a tear.

"Where am I, Phil?" I finally asked.

"You're in my bed, silly." He said softly.

"No, I mean what is this place?" I asked, confused.

"Well the question really should be where am I. I'm in your dreams, Daniel. But I'm also in your heart. I could never leave you completely, no matter what happens, I'm always with you." He said. His voice sounded so smooth and angelic.

"But why did you have to go?" I cried, throwing my arms around him and sobbing into his chest. "I can't live without you, Phil! I love you! I've never told you but I've always loved you with all of my heart and I want to be with you forever. I don't want to live by myself only having you as a memory."

"I know, I know, I saw..." he whispered.

"Why did you have to leave?" I whispered back in jittery breaths.

We stood in this embrace for a long time. I started to calm down and I felt so warm and comfortable in Phil's arms. Even though I was dreaming, it felt so real, as if he were actually there. Suddenly I spoke.

"Phil, I don't care what happens to me. If I were to die, would that mean that I could be like this with you forever?" I asked, looking deep into his beautiful blue eyes. They were full of love and concern.

"Dan, I don't want you to have to die to be with me. I'm already with you all the time. You might not notice it but I am." He said.

"I don't care about anything anymore! I just want to be with you... it hurts, Phil, it really hurts. I don't know if I can go on living with such a painful emptiness." I sighed.

"Think about your subscribers," he said. "They already miss me, how would they feel without you? They really care about you Dan, they want you to be happy."

"But I'm not happy!" I said, beginning to cry again. "I'll only be happy if I can be with you!"

Phil closed his eyes and gently pressed his lips to mine. It felt exactly as I had imagined it. They were warm, soft, and wonderful. I felt like I was floating. He finally broke out kiss to speak.

"Don't do anything irrational Dan. You have to live out your life until your time to depart comes too, and then we can live here together forever," he said. "But in the meantime, if you ever need me, just close your eyes and call my name in your mind. When you open them, I'll be there."

"You promise?" I asked.

"I promise. I love you, Dan."

"I love you too."

Tears fell again as I hugged him tightly, not wanting to ever let him go. I wasn't sure if they were sad tears or happy tears, but I had Phil, so it didn't matter that much to me. We finally pulled apart and looked each other in the eyes, our hands intertwined tightly together. Suddenly I heard the sound of wind passing through, and I felt a breeze. Phil began to fade.

"No, Phil, where are you going?" I asked him, getting worried.

"Nowhere. You're just waking up." He said, smiling.

"I don't want to wake up! Phil, don't leave me!" I cried.

"Even though I live here, you can only visit me here in your dreams," he explained. "But I can visit you anytime I want. Remember what I said: if you ever need me, just close your eyes, say my name, and I'll be there..."

His voice became echoey as he trailed off. He faded away, leaving me standing in the void. It too started to disappear, and I sighed as I felt myself waking up.

* * *

I opened my eyes and looked around the room. I was in Phil's bed still, cuddling Lion. Light glimmered through the drapes, so it must be morning. I let out another sigh as I started to pick myself up. I just couldn't do it. I don't want to face life anymore. Why did Phil have to be taken away from me so soon? I pulled out my phone and checked the time - it was already 11. I scrolled through Twitter which was mostly tweets of consolation. I thought for a minute before writing one of my own.

_Thanks for your support guys. I spoke to Phil in a dream last night. He says he loves you and RAWR._

I smiled, thinking of Phil as I sent the tweet. Suddenly I remembered what he said. So I tried it - I closed my eyes and whispered "I need you, Phil..." in my head. I didn't hear anything. I opened my eyes. I wasn't in that dream land again. I rolled over and almost fell off the bed in surprise - Phil was laying right next to me.

"You called?" He said, smiling.

"Are you still..." I said, trying to make up for my lack of words.

"Dead?" He finished for me. "Physically, in this universe, I am. But that doesn't stop me from visiting you."

I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. He still felt as warm and smelled as good as he did when he was alive. I still don't totally understand all this, but I'm happy to be with him at the moment. He reached out and brushed the hair out of my face before leaning in and kissing me. I returned it with all the passion I could muster. He traced my bottom lip with his tongue and ran his fingers through my hair, making me moan. I ran my hands up and down his body, I've always wanted to touch the beautiful boy I love. We reveled in our embrace of passion and love before finally breaking apart.

"Phil?" I said thoughtfully.

"Yeah?"

"If you're... um... not in this universe anymore... exactly what form are you in? You're not like a ghost or something, you still look, feel, and smell like Phil." I asked.

He tapped my nose lightly and smiled. "Don't worry about that. It's much to confusing anyway."

We kissed again, and I gently slipped my tongue forward and explored his mouth. I was in pure ecstasy. My wonderful, handsome, funny, amazing six-foot-two-man-child Phil that I thought I lost was so close to me. I didn't ever want to let go. But at the same time, I was filled with hope. Hope that I can continue on with my life, taking opportunities, exploring new places, and doing new things. There will be times when Phil won't be here physically, but every night when I go to sleep, I can see him and be with him. And if I ever need him, he promised he will always be there. And I guess he'll know whenever I need him because he'll always be watching.

"Are you ready to face the day now?" he asked me with a smile.

"Actually, I think I am." I replied.

"Then go get 'em, tiger." he grinned.

I smiled and kissed him one last time.

"And Dan..."

"Yeah?"

"I will always love you," he said, before disappearing.

* * *

**Um...hi. This is a pretty weird story, I really don't know what exactly went on here. I had a dream one night that Phil actually died and I was watching Dan's video that he made to say goodbye to his friend for the last time, and the video in this story is exactly how it went in my dream. Then the rest I came up with because I sort of had a story idea along these lines but it was much darker so I decided to change it and make it a little happier. Also shoutout to IzzySims6 for reminding me of this whole idea to begin with so thank her for the inspiration. And don't ask about the universal physics present here, I ain't got a clue Lol. Well, I hope you liked it, this is just a oneshot that I wrote. See y'all soon! *hugs***

**~Jovie**


End file.
